Fortunately the man has other redeeming qualities (if you know what I mean) (and I think you do)
Yesterday I took Carol to an appointment in Beaverton and had to leave both kids with Dave for three hours. Alex had a T-Ball game and for the first time in the 27 months since Genoa was born, Dave left the house with both kids. ALONE. He's never done that before for a variety of reasons, most of which initially had to do with her attachment to me and ever-present need for my mammaries. Lately, though, the reasons have been fewer and further between and yesterday there were none left. Alex had to play T-Ball, Dave's own Mother needed me and I can only be in one place at one time.
Of course, everything went fine. Genoa was delightful and Alex had a few good hits. Taking care of children is not rocket science, but I've always assumed that since Dave's job allows him so few hours of peace each week, I'd rather him not have to spend them doing something that further stresses him out, even if that stress seems silly to me. The good side effect of this policy is that we get a lot of family time on the weekends. Dave rarely ever complains about watching the kids AT HOME and often takes the kids out one-on-one, but he tends to have a hard time with BOTH of them in public.
Take, for example, last night, when we all went out to (horrible!) (terrible!) Chinese food. Dave expects 100% perfect behavior from our children when we're at a restaurant (even a really BAD restaurant like last night). He expects Alex to sit up straight, be quiet, sit still and eat without complaining or using his fingers. No whining. No getting up and down of his chair. No pushing plates around. No making ANY noise.
Basically I feel like he expects the impossible and we spend every dinner out with the kids bickering with each other over how greatly our expectations differ. Frankly, I KNOW I'm in the right on this one. I know how other children act at age four and I know that it's absolutely unreasonable to expect the behavior that Dave expects. Shoot, I figure his expectations are too much for a nine-year old. I also understand that this is a pet peeve of his. He used to be a busboy and children at restaurants trigger his memories of scrubbing spaghetti out of carpet for minimum wage. He can't just relax and enjoy the children while we're out in public. He has to worry about and manage their every move whereas my attitude could not be more opposite. I basically only worry about my kids bothering OTHER people, not me. Kids are annoying! Even mine! But the only thing I find more annoying than annoying whiny kids is annoying whiny parents and last night Dave was a PRIME example of that.
Unfortunately, Dave and I have talked this issue into a deep bloody grave and neither of us plan to budge any time soon, which basically means there will be few family dinners out in our future. Neither of us enjoys them anyway, so we're not sacrificing that much and at least we'll be saving money by eating at home. In the meantime, I think I'll be going out of my way to practice manners and play restaurant with both kids. Maybe we'll even have lunch in the dining room a couple times. And maybe the next time we eat out as a family, I'll slip a Xanax in Dave's beer so he can chill out. It might also help to pick a restaurant where the children will actually EAT the food, rather than just complain about how terrible it is.
I can't imagine we're the only couple out there with such different parenting styles. Are we?
